It's Just Your Life

Peggy Stinson's Blog About Personal Success

Tag: fight

Leading Without Fear

What kind of mental training would you need to have to undertake to be able to take such hard hits as these guys and still come back with a smile! What kind of employee and team member do you need to be to move in your business life like these guys? What kind of company allows this kind of leadership and interaction? Okay, maybe not everyone is up for hard work… I think part of the key is starting as early as possible. If your life as a child didn’t allow you to work through and to the other side of fear, then you aren’t going to feel comfortable at work when you feel fear.
Two reactions to fear: 1.) run away (so the really passive types at work) or, 2.) fight (the aggressive types at work). Neither are good. You have to be able to work through the strategy, try it out, practice with lots of “bumps” and finally master the thing you are afraid of. Once you’ve mastered it, you lose your childlike approach to what life has to offer and move into the realm of possibility.

Leading With Possibility

Man! I want to eat what Benjamin Zander eats for breakfast!! If you’re under 35, you’ve got to wish for the energy, wisdom and life this guy has at 70! Someone just sent me a copy of a video from Benjamin Zander, Conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, giving a presentation at the World Economic Forum Annual Meeting (I think given in 2009). If you don’t have the hour to listen to the presentation, then put it on your calendar for when you do. For now, here are some outtakes in terms of business leadership:

  1. The job of the conductor (business leader) is to awaken the possibility in other people. To know you are doing that, look in your employees eyes.If their eyes are shining, you’re doing a good job.
  2. If their eyes are not shining, ask yourself the question: Who am I being, that their eyes are not shining.
  3. What kind of a leader do I need to be, that their eyes are shining.
  4. The job of the conductor is to help people put decisions into practice.
  5. To think out of the box, you have to ask yourself: What assumptions am I making, which I don’t know I’m making, which in turn are giving me what I see. And then, what can I invent, which I’ve not yet invented, which will give me something new.
  6. Every organization has to have one person who has the responsibility and the authority to always ask these questions.
  7. The job of the conductor is to remind players what the rythm of transformation is. Allow the rythm to be light, bright and bouyant.
  8. There are three positions: resignation, anger, possibility.
  9. If you make a mistake, it brings everything down–the whole rythm starts to go down. If you make a mistake, raise your arms and say: How fascinating!! And then get on with things.
  10. You cannot play great music until your heart is broken. Allow your heart to be broken, embrace it and play great music.
  11. If people aren’t doing what you want them to do, it’s because you haven’t enrolled them. Apologize for your mistake, enroll, and get on with things.
  12. The “new” leader of today will be able to distinguish the downward spiral on the job and has the capacity to move people to radiating opportunity.
  13. You can recognize the downward spiral by focusing on the result of win or lose.
  14. You can recongize radiating possibility when you have the feeling: I am contributing.
  15. Possibility is only one sentence away–your next sentence. You choose.

The list above does NOT do justice to this GREAT speaker who is filled with life energy and charisma. He’s taking time from his busy life to present to companies all over and maybe coming to your company in the future.

His homepage: www.benjaminzander.com

The video from the Economic World Forum (1 hour)

Customer Service Frustration

I just got off the phone from one of the most frustrating customer service calls I’ve had in a long time. Most of my frustration doesn’t come from the fact that this was my fourth attempt at clearing up the problem. My frustration doesn’t come from the fact that this was the third time the guy told me he would take my contact information and send it along to the right person. It doesn’t come from the fact that I still can’t use the product after six weeks of trying. No, none of that frustration can add up to the frustration I feel inside myself for not being able to quickly use my own methods of communication in a simple phone call.

The angrier I got, of course the louder and faster and ruder I spoke to the customer service guy. After a couple of minutes, my autopilot finally found it’s way into my intellect and told me to remember my own stuff that I help people learn every day. I took long, deep breaths, pushing out all the air I had taken in (so not taking in and just holding it all in and jamming everything up!) I mentally pictured myself shaking off the negative thoughts about the situation. I physically shook my head to get my body to physically react to the situation. I brought my tone of voice down to a normal level. Then very important, I told the man what I was feeling (I feel talked to and not heard, I feel frustrated, I feel totally disregarded as a client of the company.)

All of a sudden there was silence on the other end of the phone. At least he was listening to me. Finally he took my info again and sent it out, AGAIN. We’ll see if I get my questions answered soon. In a way, I’m glad real life happens to me on a continual basis, even if it is unpleasant. When real life kicks in, I get the chance to realize how difficult it can be for a person to use the methods they learned in a training.
The one thing I do know is if you want your autopilot to kick in and automatically use some of those communication methods you’ve learned (like “I” Statements or Open-Ended Questions), then you have to be willing to use them over and over again in every situation imaginable so they can go on autopilot after awhile.

Well, at least my frustration has been reduced just a bit by writing this entry for others. Ah yesssss! I’m a real person after all, with real feelings and difficulties just like the rest of humanity. My tip for newlings: use the methods you’ve learned even in situations where there is no conflict so you can go on autopilot when there is conflict.

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